Have you ever thought about the risk of Korean communities? A number of people now live in Korea. Maybe, the most of Korean live in one city. However, we are really vulnerable to new disease. I want to show you the relationship between many population and big city. I have one example about it. This is the story of United Statues. According to the fnnews, United Statues are very sensitive to Ebola virus. United statues has big city and large number of population. So United States knows that this disease can cause very big tragedy. So now, United Statues have many attentions to it. Like this, Korea, has big city and large number of population, also should give attentions to them to prevent the tragedy caused by serious disease. However, Korean government didn't have any attention to this area. There have been no efforts to prevent tragedy terrifying all Korean. From now on, we have to find the effective way that can prevent this problem.
Then, what is the 'effective way'? Although the Korean medical advancement becomes top class in the world, Korean cities didn't take their line. It means Korean cities didn't have any effort to control Medical Detective. Therefore I suggests that Korea should have new way to control new disease and this way is that Korean cities control medical detectives that catch the disease.
There are examples that individual did medical detective works. According to the book of Medical Detective by karin B.Michels, in 1854, Dr. John Snow tried to reveal the cause and solution of Cholera which outbreak in London. This work is considered as the first work of Medical Detectives. As we know that the first step of every works have faults, it also had some challenges. He firstly tried to have precise statistics and compare to each others.
However, He could not do that for two reasons. First, he couldn't gather many research because, he should do individual work. Second, he need much time to collect these statistics and lastly during his work, many of people died because he need time to confirm his theory for his government. It is true that there was no well conducted City communities, but now, we live in well organized city community which can solve these problems. Cities have enough abilities to solve this problems and we need to use this well organized community.
Another example is about Ebolavirus. I will show the example of United States again. Now, they try to control this new disease but, this works are done by federal or statue governments. It means parties who do not know any situation in one area could conclude misunderstood decisions and could apply inappropriate policy and treatments to control new disease, Ebolavirus.
Korea should consider this situation and should try to approach this situation by refined ways. If cities control this situation, they can have really good ways to deal with such new diseases.
I've shown the overseas examples. When I show these examples, I can sure that these difficulties are not match for city's abilities. There was many challenges to deal with chorea or eboravirus, but if city have the Medical Detective systems, these challenges are easily solved.
First challenge of Dr. John Snow's trials was that he couldn't get enough information and research because, he did individual works. He visited house to house to get some information but it was sure that this way to get information had limitation. Also the amount of information was very small. As a results, He concluded wrong decisions so he had to spend more time to get more information. However, this problems can be solved by city's ability. The cities already have information about house's death and its cause of death. It means that cities always have enough information that is necessary to evaluate epidemic disease's research. Also these information must be precise and be obvious to use as a experiments.
Second challenge of Dr. John Snow's trials was that he should prove his works to confirm his theory. He might submit his theory and the Governments should have precise information to control their citizens. So it's necessarily necessary to have time to test the theory. This process might have really hard time for patients. However, if cities did his works, there would be no extra time to test his works. Because the city is government's affiliated organization, cities's works do not need to be proved by governments. Also, the cities's experiment always have done by experts in its area. So there are no problems to use city's theory with no suspensions.
An article from Hankook ilbo news shew an interesting case about treats of epidemic disease. United Statues had inappropriate reaction to control the Ebora virus. They treats patients very toughly.
As I said, parties can make wrong decision because they do not know exact situation in city's citizen. However, basically, cities have particular information whom the citizens live in the city only know. So they know their citizen's personality. If there is epidemic disease in a city. city can control that situation, using appropriate treatments because they know their citizens's personalty. So If city control the Medical Detective Systems, they can use useful information about citizen to avoid epidemic disease.
It's true that controlling the disease is very sensitive and difficult aspects but it 's also true that this part should be done by the more precise and clear ways. The cities can make this work very well. Therefore cities should control the Medical Detective Systems.
It's true that my arguments are new ideas and very unfamiliar but, all of my arguments are based upon real facts. There may be a number of people who can't understand my opinions why cities should control the Medical Detective Systems. They may think that it's unnecessary to change the system of disease control. However, the history tell us that existing system can not manage epidemic disease effectively and it also tell us that existing system can be changed to more effective systems. The people who can't accept my opinions will argue that the government can have broad information than local government. It's sure that the government can have really big information and broad ability to know medical problems. However, this is not matter in epidemic disease. When we should investigate the epidemic disease, we need more specific and precise information about it. If the government have to start study of the epidemic disease, it can't have them , because they have not had these information ever. How about individual work? It's also inappropriate for epidemic disease. For example, in London there was effor that individual scientist tried to reveal the secret of cholera. He searched many houses and met so many people. Finally, he concluded the cholera's cause. However, this was not correct. He misunderstood his date and he has problem that he didn't have enough information. As a result, he failed in spite of hi enormous efforts.
In contrast, Cities have their own information that has been recorded for a long time. Second, the people may argue that cities do not have enough medical abilities to know new disease. However, If cities should control the Medical Detective Systems, cities would improve their ability to know new virus. Also, cities already have the ability to study new disease. According to naver map, We can find that Korea has large amount of laboratory in many regions like Incheon's cancel laboratory. It means that there are no technological gap between government's work and cities' work. Actually, the cancer laboratories are concentrated on Incheon. So this is stereotypical common sense that the central government will work more effectively than cities. The truth is that at least in medical parts, the cities can work more effectively than government.
The medical Detective Systems can be managed more effectively by the cities. The cities have more specific and precise information on their own citizens. In the study of epidemic disease, researchers need such precise and specific information. Also, cities always have necessary information for Medical Detective. So I suggests that Cities need to control the medical detectives. If this works are done by individuals, they may have many challenges that is not match for city's ability. Also inappropriate treatments can be done. Now, the global society have a number of populations. We need more effective and stable system to prevent epidemic disease. If we do not have effective system for it, we can experience terrible tragedy of epidemic disease. If the cities starts controlling the effective medical detective systems, the world can be more stable and peaceful. Even, the world can get more advanced medical treatments from the cities's independent medical findings. The medical science should always not be limited when somebody study them. The medical science can be more advanced by cities efforts. The first step to them is that The cities control the medical detective systems.
References
http://www.ed.ac.uk/news/events/medical-detectives/about/lectures
The university of Edinburgh
http://www.fnnews.com/news/201410261717225334
(2014 10 26)
http://www.hankookilbo.com/v/e6a09e6870c8468d880821afacb84dcc
Park min sik reporter.(2014 10 16)
The book: Medcal Detective by karin B.Michels p70-75
2014년 12월 7일 일요일
2014년 11월 16일 일요일
Second draft
Have you ever thought about the risk of Korean communities? A number of people now live in Korea. Maybe, the most of Korean live in one city. However, we are really vulnerable to new disease. I want to show you the relationship between many population and big city. I have one example about it. This is the story of United Statues. United Statues are very sensitive to Ebolavirus. United statues has big city and large number of population. So United States knows that this disease can cause very big tragedy. So now, United Statues have many attentions to it. Like this, Korea, has big city and large number of population, also should give attentions to them to prevent the tragedy caused by serious disease. However, Korean government didn't have any attention to this area. There have been no efforts to prevent tragedy frustening all Korean. From now on, we have to find the effective way that can prevent this problem.
Then, what is the 'effective way'? Although the Korean medical advancement becomes top class in the world, Korean cities didn't take their line. It means Korean cities didn't have any effort to control Medical Detective. Therefore I suggests that Korea should have new way to control new disease and this way is that Korean cities control medical detectives that catch the disease.
There are examples that individual did medical detective works. In 1854, Dr. John Snow tried to reveal the cause and solution of Cholera which outbreak in London. This work is considered as the first work of Medical Detectives. As we know that the first step of everyworks have faults, it also had some challenges. He firstly tried to have precise statistics and compare to each others.
However, He coudn't do that for two reasons. First, he couldn't gather many research because, he should do individual work. Second, he need much time to collect these statistics and lastly during his work, many of people died because he need time to confirm his theory for his government. It is true that there was no well conducted City communities, but now, we live in well organized city community which can solve these problems. Cities have enough abilities to solve this problems and we need to use this well organized community.
Another example is about Ebolavirus. I will show the example of United States again. Now, they try to control this new disease but, this works are done by federal or statue governments. It means parties who do not know any situation in one area could conclude misunderstood decisions and could apply inappropriate policy and treatments to control new disease, Ebolavirus.
Korea should consider this situation and should try to approach this situation by refined ways. If cities control this situation, they can have really good ways to deal with such new diseases.
I've shown the overseas examples. When I show these examples, I can sure that these difficultiesare not match for city's abilities. There was many challenges to deal with chorea or eboravirus, but if city have the Medical Detective systems, these challenges are easily solved.
First challenge of Dr. John Snow's trials was that he couldn't get enough information and research because, he did individual works. He visited house to house to get some information but it was sure that this way to get information had limitation. Also the amount of information was very small. As a results, He concluded wrong decisions so he had to spend more time to get more information. However, this problems can be solved by city's ability. The cities already have information about house's death and its cause of death. It means that cities always have enough information that is necessary to evaluate epidemic disease's research. Also these information must be precise and be obvious to use as a experiments.
Second challenge of Dr. John Snow's trials was that he should prove his works to confirm his theory. He might submit his theory and the Governments should have precise information to control their citizens. So it's necessarily necessary to have time to test the theory. This process might have really hard time for patients. However, if cities did his works, there would be no extra time to test his works. Because the city is government's affiliated organization, cities's works do not need to be proved by governments. Also, the cities's experiment always have done by experts in its area. So there are no problems to use city's theory with no suspensions.
An article from naver news makes an interesting case about treats of epidemic disease. United Statues had inappropriate reaction to control the Ebora virus. They treats patients very toughly.
As I said, parties can make wrong decision because they do not know exact situation in city's citizen. However, basically, cities have particular information whom the citizens live in the city only know. So they know their citizen's characters. If there is epidemic disease in a city. city can control that situation, using appropriate treatments because they know their citizens's personalty. So If city control the Medical Detective Systems, they can use useful information about citizen to avoid epidemic disease.
It's true that controlling the disease is very sensitive and difficult aspects but it 's also true that this part should be done by the more precise and clear ways. The cities can make this work very well. Therefore cities should control the Medical Detective Systems.
It's turethat my arguments are new ideas and very unfamiliar but, all of my arguments are based upon real facts. There may be a number of people who can't understand my opinions why cities should control the Medical Detective Systems. They may think that it's unnecessary to change the system of disease control. However, the history tell us that existing system can not manage epidemic disease effectively and it also tell us that existing system can be changed to more effective systems. The people who can't accept my opinions will argue that the government can have broad information than local government. It's sure that the government can have really big information and broad ability to know medical problems. However, this is not matter in epidemic disease. When we should investigate the epidemic disease, we need more specific and precise information about it. If the government have to start study of the epidemic disease, it can't have them , because they have not had these information ever. How about individual work? It's also inappropriate for epidemic diesease. For example, in London there was effor that individual scientist tried to reveal the secreat of cholera. He searched many houses and met so many people. Finally, he concluded the cholera's cause. However, this was not correct. He misunderstood his date and he has problem that he didn't hvae enough information. As a reasults, he failed in spite of his enormous effors.
In contrast, Cities have their own information that has been recorded for a long time. Second, the people may argue that cities do not have enough medical abilities to know new disease. However, If cities should control the Medical Detective Systems, cities would improve their ability to know new virus. Also, cities already have the ability to study new disease. According to naver news, Korea have large amount of laboratory in many regions like Incheon's cancel laboratory. It means that there are no technological gap between government's work and cities' work. Actually, the cancer laboratories are concentrated on Incheon. So this is stereotypical common sense that the central government will work more effectively than cities. The truth is that at least in medical parts, the cities can work more effectively than government.
The medical Detective Systems can be managed more effectively by the cities. The cities have more specific and precise information on their own citizens. In the study of epidemic disease, researchers need such precise and specific information. Also, cities always have necessary information for Medical Detective. So I suggests that Cities need to control the medical detectives. If this works are done by individuals, they may have many challenges that is not match for city's ability. Also inappropriate treatments can be done. Now, the global society have a number of populations. We need more effective and stable system to prevent epidemic disease. If we do not have effective system for it, we can experience terrible tragedy of epidemic disease. If the cities starts controlling the effective medical detective systems, the world can be more stable and peaceful. Even, the world can get more advanced medical treatments from the cities's independent medical findings. The medical science should always not be limited when somebody study them. The medical science can be more advanced by cities efforts. The first step to them is that The cities control the medical detective systems.
Then, what is the 'effective way'? Although the Korean medical advancement becomes top class in the world, Korean cities didn't take their line. It means Korean cities didn't have any effort to control Medical Detective. Therefore I suggests that Korea should have new way to control new disease and this way is that Korean cities control medical detectives that catch the disease.
There are examples that individual did medical detective works. In 1854, Dr. John Snow tried to reveal the cause and solution of Cholera which outbreak in London. This work is considered as the first work of Medical Detectives. As we know that the first step of everyworks have faults, it also had some challenges. He firstly tried to have precise statistics and compare to each others.
However, He coudn't do that for two reasons. First, he couldn't gather many research because, he should do individual work. Second, he need much time to collect these statistics and lastly during his work, many of people died because he need time to confirm his theory for his government. It is true that there was no well conducted City communities, but now, we live in well organized city community which can solve these problems. Cities have enough abilities to solve this problems and we need to use this well organized community.
Another example is about Ebolavirus. I will show the example of United States again. Now, they try to control this new disease but, this works are done by federal or statue governments. It means parties who do not know any situation in one area could conclude misunderstood decisions and could apply inappropriate policy and treatments to control new disease, Ebolavirus.
Korea should consider this situation and should try to approach this situation by refined ways. If cities control this situation, they can have really good ways to deal with such new diseases.
I've shown the overseas examples. When I show these examples, I can sure that these difficultiesare not match for city's abilities. There was many challenges to deal with chorea or eboravirus, but if city have the Medical Detective systems, these challenges are easily solved.
First challenge of Dr. John Snow's trials was that he couldn't get enough information and research because, he did individual works. He visited house to house to get some information but it was sure that this way to get information had limitation. Also the amount of information was very small. As a results, He concluded wrong decisions so he had to spend more time to get more information. However, this problems can be solved by city's ability. The cities already have information about house's death and its cause of death. It means that cities always have enough information that is necessary to evaluate epidemic disease's research. Also these information must be precise and be obvious to use as a experiments.
Second challenge of Dr. John Snow's trials was that he should prove his works to confirm his theory. He might submit his theory and the Governments should have precise information to control their citizens. So it's necessarily necessary to have time to test the theory. This process might have really hard time for patients. However, if cities did his works, there would be no extra time to test his works. Because the city is government's affiliated organization, cities's works do not need to be proved by governments. Also, the cities's experiment always have done by experts in its area. So there are no problems to use city's theory with no suspensions.
An article from naver news makes an interesting case about treats of epidemic disease. United Statues had inappropriate reaction to control the Ebora virus. They treats patients very toughly.
As I said, parties can make wrong decision because they do not know exact situation in city's citizen. However, basically, cities have particular information whom the citizens live in the city only know. So they know their citizen's characters. If there is epidemic disease in a city. city can control that situation, using appropriate treatments because they know their citizens's personalty. So If city control the Medical Detective Systems, they can use useful information about citizen to avoid epidemic disease.
It's true that controlling the disease is very sensitive and difficult aspects but it 's also true that this part should be done by the more precise and clear ways. The cities can make this work very well. Therefore cities should control the Medical Detective Systems.
It's turethat my arguments are new ideas and very unfamiliar but, all of my arguments are based upon real facts. There may be a number of people who can't understand my opinions why cities should control the Medical Detective Systems. They may think that it's unnecessary to change the system of disease control. However, the history tell us that existing system can not manage epidemic disease effectively and it also tell us that existing system can be changed to more effective systems. The people who can't accept my opinions will argue that the government can have broad information than local government. It's sure that the government can have really big information and broad ability to know medical problems. However, this is not matter in epidemic disease. When we should investigate the epidemic disease, we need more specific and precise information about it. If the government have to start study of the epidemic disease, it can't have them , because they have not had these information ever. How about individual work? It's also inappropriate for epidemic diesease. For example, in London there was effor that individual scientist tried to reveal the secreat of cholera. He searched many houses and met so many people. Finally, he concluded the cholera's cause. However, this was not correct. He misunderstood his date and he has problem that he didn't hvae enough information. As a reasults, he failed in spite of his enormous effors.
In contrast, Cities have their own information that has been recorded for a long time. Second, the people may argue that cities do not have enough medical abilities to know new disease. However, If cities should control the Medical Detective Systems, cities would improve their ability to know new virus. Also, cities already have the ability to study new disease. According to naver news, Korea have large amount of laboratory in many regions like Incheon's cancel laboratory. It means that there are no technological gap between government's work and cities' work. Actually, the cancer laboratories are concentrated on Incheon. So this is stereotypical common sense that the central government will work more effectively than cities. The truth is that at least in medical parts, the cities can work more effectively than government.
The medical Detective Systems can be managed more effectively by the cities. The cities have more specific and precise information on their own citizens. In the study of epidemic disease, researchers need such precise and specific information. Also, cities always have necessary information for Medical Detective. So I suggests that Cities need to control the medical detectives. If this works are done by individuals, they may have many challenges that is not match for city's ability. Also inappropriate treatments can be done. Now, the global society have a number of populations. We need more effective and stable system to prevent epidemic disease. If we do not have effective system for it, we can experience terrible tragedy of epidemic disease. If the cities starts controlling the effective medical detective systems, the world can be more stable and peaceful. Even, the world can get more advanced medical treatments from the cities's independent medical findings. The medical science should always not be limited when somebody study them. The medical science can be more advanced by cities efforts. The first step to them is that The cities control the medical detective systems.
2014년 10월 30일 목요일
Self Evaluation
1) What score do you think you deserve?
I suppose that I might deserve one point. I think that I gotta first draft's structure and understand the persuasive essay's purpose and structure. However, I couldn't make effective persuasive essay. Also, I couldn't make flexible start in my essay.
2) What did you do well?
First, I understand the effective persuaisvie essay, and make a creative topic that can be just my thoughts. Second, I made a new topic that no one made it before.
3) What could you have done better?
My topic is really fresh than others. So, I had to worry to make a good organization that I could make good structure in my essay.
4) Which part of the classical argument did you use the best?
In my classical argument, I think the narration is the best. As I said, my topic is really fresh so people may not be able to know about my topic. I think in narration, I provided enough information to make audience interested.
5) Which part of the classical argument did you use the most poorly?
I think the introduction was weak. I couldn't get any information that makes me understand my topic. So, I did not have enough research about my new idea. It makes the abstract introduction.
6) What's your strategy to make your second draft better?
I think the first one for the better essay is research! I need to have more specific research at least four. I also should try to make my opinion more reliable. After I finish enough research, I should refair my introduction. I may need to explain how my topic can be the debatable. If I have more time, I will include humors in my essay.
My plan : 1) Research
2) Refair my introduction
3) Retain my humor sense in my essay
First, I understand the effective persuaisvie essay, and make a creative topic that can be just my thoughts. Second, I made a new topic that no one made it before.
3) What could you have done better?
My topic is really fresh than others. So, I had to worry to make a good organization that I could make good structure in my essay.
4) Which part of the classical argument did you use the best?
In my classical argument, I think the narration is the best. As I said, my topic is really fresh so people may not be able to know about my topic. I think in narration, I provided enough information to make audience interested.
5) Which part of the classical argument did you use the most poorly?
I think the introduction was weak. I couldn't get any information that makes me understand my topic. So, I did not have enough research about my new idea. It makes the abstract introduction.
6) What's your strategy to make your second draft better?
I think the first one for the better essay is research! I need to have more specific research at least four. I also should try to make my opinion more reliable. After I finish enough research, I should refair my introduction. I may need to explain how my topic can be the debatable. If I have more time, I will include humors in my essay.
My plan : 1) Research
2) Refair my introduction
3) Retain my humor sense in my essay
2014년 10월 26일 일요일
The first draft
Have you ever thought about the risk of Korean communities? A number of people now live in Korean. Maybe, the people of Korea are included in one city. However, we are really vulnerable to new disease. I will show one examples in United Statues. United Statues are very sensitive to Ebolavirus. They know that this disease can cause very big tragedy. So now, United Statues have big attention to it. Like this, Korea also has to give really big attention to it. However, Korean government didn't have any attention to this part. There are no efforts to prevent this tragedy individually.
Although the medical advancement become top class in the world, Cities didn't take their line. It means Cities didn't have any effort to control Medical Detective. Therefore I suggests that Korea's cities should have new way to control new disease and this way is that they control medical detectives.
There is examples that individual did medical detective works. In 1854, Dr. John Snow tried to reveal the cause and solution of Cholera which outbreak in London. this work is considered as the first work of Medical Detectives. He firstly tired to have precise statistics and compare to each others.
However, there are many challenges in his works. First, he couldn't have many research because, he did individual work. Second, he need much time to collect these statistics. and lastly during his work, many of people died because he need much time to confirm his theory for his government. It is true that there was no well conducted City communities, but now, we live in well organized city community which can solve these problems. Cities have enough abilities to solve this problems and we need to use this well organized community.
Other example is about Ebolavirus. I will show the example of United States. Now, they try to control this new disease but, this works are done by federal or local governments. It means parties who do not know any situation in one area could conclude misunderstood decisions and could apply inappropriate policy to control new disease: Ebolavirus.
Korea should consider this situation and should try to approach this situation by new ways. If cities control this situation, they can have really good way to deal with such new diseases.
I've shown the overseas examples. However, when I show these examples, I can sure that these difficulties in examples are not match for city's abilities. There was many challenges to deal with chorea or eboravirus, but if city have the Medical Detective systems, these challenges are easily solved.
First challenge of Dr. John Snow's trials was that he couldn't get enough information and research because, he did individual works. He visited house to house to get some information but it's sure that this way to get information had limitation. Also the amount of information was very small. As a results, He concluded wrong decisions so he had to spend more time to get more information. However, this problems can be solved by city's ability. The cities already have information about house's death and its cause of death. It means that cities always have enough information that is necessary to evaluate epidemic disease's research. Also these information should be precise to use as a experiments.
Second challenge of Dr. John Snow's trials was that he should prove his works to confirm his theory. He might submit his theory and the Governments should have precise information to control their citizens. So it's necessarily necessary to have time to test the theory. This process may have really hard time for patients, However, if cities have his works, there will be no extra time to test his works. Because the city is government's affiliated organization, cities's works do not need to be proved by governments. And The cities's experiment always have done by experts in its area. So there are no problems to use city's theory with no suspensions.
An article from naver news makes an interesting case about treats of epidemic disease.United Statues have inappropriate reaction to control the Ebora virus. They treats patients very toughly.
As I said, parties can make wrong decision because they do not know exact situation in city's citizen. However, basically, Cities have traditional information about their citizens. So they know their characters. If there is epidemic disease in a city. city can control that situation, using appropriate treatments because they know their citizens's personalty. So If city control the Medical Detective Systems, they can use useful and traditional information about citizen to avoid epidemic disease.
It's true that controlling the disease is very sensitive and difficult aspects but It 's also true that this part should be the more precise and clear. The cities can make this work very well. Therefore cities should control the Medical Detective Systems.
It's sure that my arguments are new ideas and very unfamiliar. However, all of my arguments are based upon real facts. There will be a number of people who can't understand my opinions that Cities should control the Medical Detective Systems. They may think that it's unnecessary to change the system of disease control. However, the history tell us that existing system can not manage epidemic disease and it also tell us that existing system can be changed to more effective systems. The people who can't accept my opinions will argue that the government can have broad information than local government. It's true that the government can have really big information and broad ability to know medical problems. However, this is not matter in epidemic disease. When we should study the epidemic disease, we need more specific and precise information about it. If the government have to start study of the epidemic disease, It can't have them , because they have not had these information ever.
In contrast, Cities have their own information such as traditional and citizen's information. Second, the people may argue that cities do not have enough medical abilities to know new disease. However, If cities have to control the Medical Detective Systems, cities would improve their ability to know new virus. Also, cities already have the ability to know new disease. According to naver news, Korea have large amount of laboratory in many regions. It means that there are no difference between government's work and cities' work. Actually, the cancer laboratories are concentrated on Incheon. So this is stereotypical claim that the central government will work more effectively. The truth is that at least in medical parts, the cities would work more effectively.
The medical Detective Systems can be managed more effectively by the cities. The cities have more specific and precise information on their own citizens. In the study of epidemic disease, researchers need such precise and specific information. Also, cities always have necessary information for Medical Detective. So I suggests that Cities need to control the medical detectives. If this works are done by individuals, they may have many challenges that is not match for city's ability. Also inappropriate treatments can be done. Now, the global society have a number of populations. We need more effective and stable system to prevent epidemic disease. If we do not have effective system for it, we can experience terrible tragedy of epidemic disease. If the cities starts controlling the effective medical detective systems, the world can be more stable and peaceful. Even, the world can get more advanced medical treatments from the cities's independent medical findings. The medical science should always not be limited when somebody study them. The medical science can be more advanced by cities efforts. The first step to them is that The cities control the medical detective systems.
conclusion
Conclusion.
The medical Detective Systems can be managed more effectively by the cities. The cities have more specific and precise information on their own citizens. In the study of epidemic disease, researchers need such precise and specific information. Also, cities always have necessary information for Medical Detective. So I suggests that Cities need to control the medical detectives. If this works are done by individuals, they may have many challenges that is not match for city's ability. Also inappropriate treatments can be done. Now, the global society have a number of populations. We need more effective and stable system to prevent epidemic disease. If we do not have effective system for it, we can experience terrible tragedy of epidemic disease. If the cities starts controlling the effective medical detective systems, the world can be more stable and peaceful. Even, the world can get more advanced medical treatments from the cities's independent medical findings. The medical science should always not be limited when somebody study them. The medical science can be more advanced by cities efforts. The first step to them is that The cities control the medical detective systems.
The medical Detective Systems can be managed more effectively by the cities. The cities have more specific and precise information on their own citizens. In the study of epidemic disease, researchers need such precise and specific information. Also, cities always have necessary information for Medical Detective. So I suggests that Cities need to control the medical detectives. If this works are done by individuals, they may have many challenges that is not match for city's ability. Also inappropriate treatments can be done. Now, the global society have a number of populations. We need more effective and stable system to prevent epidemic disease. If we do not have effective system for it, we can experience terrible tragedy of epidemic disease. If the cities starts controlling the effective medical detective systems, the world can be more stable and peaceful. Even, the world can get more advanced medical treatments from the cities's independent medical findings. The medical science should always not be limited when somebody study them. The medical science can be more advanced by cities efforts. The first step to them is that The cities control the medical detective systems.
The Refutation and Concession
1. What is my thesis?
Korean cities should control the Medical Detective Systems to prevent the tragedy of epidemic disease.
2. What is the opposite position?
The government can do better works, so the cities's Medical Detective Systems are unnecessary.
3. What arguments can I anticipate?
a)the government can have broad information than local government.
Korean cities should control the Medical Detective Systems to prevent the tragedy of epidemic disease.
2. What is the opposite position?
The government can do better works, so the cities's Medical Detective Systems are unnecessary.
3. What arguments can I anticipate?
a)the government can have broad information than local government.
b)Cities do not have enough medical abilities to know disease.
4. How will I counter those arguments?
4. How will I counter those arguments?
a) In medical treatments, we need precise information, no broad!
b) There are enough number of local laboratories.
My Refutation and Concession
It's sure that my arguments are new ideas and very unfamiliar. However, all of my arguments are based upon real facts. There will be a number of people who can't understand my opinions that Cities should control the Medical Detective Systems. They may think that it's unnecessary to change the system of disease control. However, the history tell us that existing system can not manage epidemic disease and it also tell us that existing system can be changed to more effective systems. The people who can't accept my opinions will argue that the government can have broad information than local government. It's true that the government can have really big information and broad ability to know medical problems. However, this is not matter in epidemic disease. When we should study the epidemic disease, we need more specific and precise information about it. If the government have to start study of the epidemic disease, It can't have them , because they have not had these information ever.
In contrast, Cities have their own information such as traditional and citizen's information. Second, the people may argue that cities do not have enough medical abilities to know new disease. However, If cities have to control the Medical Detective Systems, cities would improve their ability to know new virus. Also, cities already have the ability to know new disease. According to naver news, Korea have large amount of laboratory in many regions. It means that there are no difference between government's work and cities' work. Actually, the cancer laboratories are concentrated on Incheon. So this is stereotypical claim that the central government will work more effectively. The truth is that at least in medical parts, the cities would work more effectively.
In contrast, Cities have their own information such as traditional and citizen's information. Second, the people may argue that cities do not have enough medical abilities to know new disease. However, If cities have to control the Medical Detective Systems, cities would improve their ability to know new virus. Also, cities already have the ability to know new disease. According to naver news, Korea have large amount of laboratory in many regions. It means that there are no difference between government's work and cities' work. Actually, the cancer laboratories are concentrated on Incheon. So this is stereotypical claim that the central government will work more effectively. The truth is that at least in medical parts, the cities would work more effectively.
The Confirmation
1. What is my thesis?
Korean cities should control the Medical Detective Systems to prevent the tragedy of epidemic disease.
2. What types of source am I using to defend my thesis?
I am using new articles, a famous and relevant overseas examples
3. Are my arguments mostly based on evidence, logic or emotion?
My arguments is really new thing so I can't sure that evidences I found can support my opinions strongly. However, I have exact evidences and examples. Also I do not have any estimation of facts. However, It's still worry that I do not have enough statistics.
My Confirmation
I've shown the overseas examples. However, when I show these examples, I can sure that these difficulties in examples are not match for city's abilities. There was many challenges to deal with chorea or eboravirus, but if city have the Medical Detective systems, these challenges are easily solved.
First challenge of Dr. John Snow's trials was that he couldn't get enough information and research because, he did individual works. He visited house to house to get some information but it's sure that this way to get information had limitation. Also the amount of information was very small. As a results, He concluded wrong decisions so he had to spend more time to get more information. However, this problems can be solved by city's ability. The cities already have information about house's death and its cause of death. It means that cities always have enough information that is necessary to evaluate epidemic disease's research. Also these information should be precise to use as a experiments.
Second challenge of Dr. John Snow's trials was that he should prove his works to confirm his theory. He might submit his theory and the Governments should have precise information to control their citizens. So it's necessarily necessary to have time to test the theory. This process may have really hard time for patients, However, if cities have his works, there will be no extra time to test his works. Because the city is government's affiliated organization, cities's works do not need to be proved by governments. And The cities's experiment always have done by experts in its area. So there are no problems to use city's theory with no suspensions.
An article from naver news makes an interesting case about treats of epidemic disease.
It's true that controlling the disease is very sensitive and difficult aspects but It 's also true that this part should be the more precise and clear. The cities can make this work very well. Therefore cities should control the Medical Detective Systems.
Korean cities should control the Medical Detective Systems to prevent the tragedy of epidemic disease.
2. What types of source am I using to defend my thesis?
I am using new articles, a famous and relevant overseas examples
3. Are my arguments mostly based on evidence, logic or emotion?
My arguments is really new thing so I can't sure that evidences I found can support my opinions strongly. However, I have exact evidences and examples. Also I do not have any estimation of facts. However, It's still worry that I do not have enough statistics.
My Confirmation
I've shown the overseas examples. However, when I show these examples, I can sure that these difficulties in examples are not match for city's abilities. There was many challenges to deal with chorea or eboravirus, but if city have the Medical Detective systems, these challenges are easily solved.
First challenge of Dr. John Snow's trials was that he couldn't get enough information and research because, he did individual works. He visited house to house to get some information but it's sure that this way to get information had limitation. Also the amount of information was very small. As a results, He concluded wrong decisions so he had to spend more time to get more information. However, this problems can be solved by city's ability. The cities already have information about house's death and its cause of death. It means that cities always have enough information that is necessary to evaluate epidemic disease's research. Also these information should be precise to use as a experiments.
Second challenge of Dr. John Snow's trials was that he should prove his works to confirm his theory. He might submit his theory and the Governments should have precise information to control their citizens. So it's necessarily necessary to have time to test the theory. This process may have really hard time for patients, However, if cities have his works, there will be no extra time to test his works. Because the city is government's affiliated organization, cities's works do not need to be proved by governments. And The cities's experiment always have done by experts in its area. So there are no problems to use city's theory with no suspensions.
An article from naver news makes an interesting case about treats of epidemic disease.
United Statues have inappropriate reaction to control the Ebora virus. They treats patients very toughly.As I said, parties can make wrong decision because they do not know exact situation in city's citizen. However, basically, Cities have traditional information about their citizens. So they know their characters. If there is epidemic disease in a city. city can control that situation, using appropriate treatments because they know their citizens's personalty. So If city control the Medical Detective Systems, they can use useful and traditional information about citizen to avoid epidemic disease.
It's true that controlling the disease is very sensitive and difficult aspects but It 's also true that this part should be the more precise and clear. The cities can make this work very well. Therefore cities should control the Medical Detective Systems.
Research
source
http://www.fnnews.com/news/201410261717225334
http://www.hankookilbo.com/v/e6a09e6870c8468d880821afacb84dcc
My topic
Cities should control the Medical Detectives
What I hope to learn from this source
I hope to know about the eboravirus to explain its expansion.
From this source, I can make case of United Statues's method of reaction
Notes:
1. United Statues had strong method of reaction to eboravirus so it became controversy.
2. Eboravirus rapidly spread to the world.
Final thought
this source is useful so that I will use this information to suggest examples of city's role.
http://www.fnnews.com/news/201410261717225334
http://www.hankookilbo.com/v/e6a09e6870c8468d880821afacb84dcc
My topic
Cities should control the Medical Detectives
What I hope to learn from this source
I hope to know about the eboravirus to explain its expansion.
From this source, I can make case of United Statues's method of reaction
Notes:
1. United Statues had strong method of reaction to eboravirus so it became controversy.
2. Eboravirus rapidly spread to the world.
Final thought
this source is useful so that I will use this information to suggest examples of city's role.
First draft - Narration
My persuasive argument thesis is: Government should control the Medical Detective Systems to prevent tragedy of epidemic disease.
1. What do people already know about my topic?
My topic is really new thoughts so I should persuade my new ideas. May be all things people know about my topic is only governments do the medical detective works.
2. What research has already been done about my topic?
The Narration :
no....
3. What are the implications of my argument (What if I'm right? What if I'm right and people ignore me?)
Cities will have effective systems to control the epidemic disease. If people ignore me, they will have serious problems about epidemic disease and they can be victims of new virus.
There is examples that individual did medical detective works. In 1854, Dr. John Snow tried to reveal the cause and solution of Cholera which outbreak in London. this work is considered as the first work of Medical Detectives. He firstly tired to have precise statistics and compare to each others.
However, there are many challenges in his works. First, he couldn't have many research because, he did individual work. Second, he need much time to collect these statistics. and lastly during his work, many of people died because he need much time to confirm his theory for his government. It is true that there was no well conducted City communities, but now, we live in well organized city community which can solve these problems. Cities have enough abilities to solve this problems and we need to use this well organized community.
Other example is about Ebolavirus. I will show the example of United States. Now, they try to control this new disease but, this works are done by federal or local governments. It means parties who do not know any situation in one area could conclude misunderstood decisions and could apply inappropriate policy to control new disease: Ebolavirus.
Korea should consider this situation and should try to approach this situation by new ways. If cities control this situation, they can have really good way to deal with such new diseases.
2014년 10월 9일 목요일
First Draft- Introduction
The introduction
Have you ever thought about the risk of Korean communities? A number of people now live in Korean. Maybe, the people of Korea are included in one city. However, we are really vulnerable to new disease. I will show one examples in United Statues. United Statues are very sensitive to Ebolavirus. They know that this disease can cause very big tragedy. So now, United Statues have big attention to it. Like this, Korea also has to give really big attention to it. However, Korean government didn't have any attention to this part. There are no efforts to prevent this tragedy individually.
Although the medical advancement become top class in the world, Cities didn't take their line. It means Cities didn't have any effort to control Medical Detective. Therefore I suggests that Korea's cities should have new way to control new disease and this way is that they control medical detectives.
Have you ever thought about the risk of Korean communities? A number of people now live in Korean. Maybe, the people of Korea are included in one city. However, we are really vulnerable to new disease. I will show one examples in United Statues. United Statues are very sensitive to Ebolavirus. They know that this disease can cause very big tragedy. So now, United Statues have big attention to it. Like this, Korea also has to give really big attention to it. However, Korean government didn't have any attention to this part. There are no efforts to prevent this tragedy individually.
Although the medical advancement become top class in the world, Cities didn't take their line. It means Cities didn't have any effort to control Medical Detective. Therefore I suggests that Korea's cities should have new way to control new disease and this way is that they control medical detectives.
2014년 9월 25일 목요일
classical argument outline
1. The introduction, which warms up the audience, establishes goodwill and rapport with the readers, and announces the general theme or thesis of the argument.
I will start by describing the situation everyone is already familiar with: Korean city has so large number of population. Also I will explain medical science's advancement and its purpose. Then, I will shift attention to how Korean cities are vulnerable to disease. I will end with my thesis, "The Medical Detective Should be controlled by Korean Cities not by individuals or government."2. The narration, which summarizes relevant background material, provides any information the audience needs to know about the environment and circumstances that produce the argument, and set up the stakes-what’s at risk in this question. In academic writing, this often takes the form of a literature review.
I will show the examples of overseas example about the Medical Detective by person. Also this time, I will analogy the limitation of individuals and I will argue that these limitation can be solved by city's work. I will give a brief possibility about this .
3. The confirmation,which lays out in a logical order (usually strongest to weakest or most obvious to most subtle) the claims that support the thesis, providing evidence for each claim.
I will start by examining many example's limitation that can be solved by city's work. Then, I will continue show the examples of Korea's Medical Detectives and its limitation. I will reveal that the cities can provide solution to solve the Korean limitation by explaining Korean city's ability.4. The refutation and concession, which looks at opposing viewpoints to the writer’s claims, anticipating objections from the audience, and allowing as much of the opposing viewpoints as possible without weakening the thesis.
I will concede that Medical Detective is a field of a medical science. However, I will argue that if city help this area by providing supports, this work can be better than before.5. The summation, which provides a strong conclusion, amplifying the force of the argument, and showing the readers that this solution is the best at meeting the circumstances.
I will close with a summary of my previous points, then a brief consideration of the unquantifiable abilities of the human brain, like emotions and creativity that demonstrate a nuanced level of intelligence that computers have not even started to approach. I will end with a reaffirmation of my original thesis.
2014년 9월 18일 목요일
Research Proposal
Research Proposal
What is my current topic?
City's role of Epidemiologist's work is important.
City's role of Epidemiologist's work is important.
What are my guiding questions?
Why the city's role is important. How does city have more effective ways to do medical detectives. The reader who read my writing may have thoughts that City especially Korea, Should have Medical Detective Systems.
What are my current thoughts?
Medical Detectives have been projected since the medieval ages and this is can be effective by city's help. So I really hope that people have thought of city's important role in Medical Detectives.
What is the opposition?
The opposition can say that Cities can't do any better. However, I'm sure that Cities have more rights and abilities than individuals so they can do better job.
Why the city's role is important. How does city have more effective ways to do medical detectives. The reader who read my writing may have thoughts that City especially Korea, Should have Medical Detective Systems.
What are my current thoughts?
Medical Detectives have been projected since the medieval ages and this is can be effective by city's help. So I really hope that people have thought of city's important role in Medical Detectives.
What is the opposition?
The opposition can say that Cities can't do any better. However, I'm sure that Cities have more rights and abilities than individuals so they can do better job.
2014년 9월 11일 목요일
Research
Source:
A series of public lectures that show that keen detective work is still essential for 21st century doctors.
http://www.ed.ac.uk/news/events/medical-detectives/about/lectures
Medical Detectives by karin B.Michels
My Topic:
City's controlling disease is important in Medical Detective Systems
What I hope to learn from this source
I want to find these facts to support my topic. Also, new information could be examples to explaining my topic and by using this example, I want to tell the importance of city's role in Medical Detective.
Notes:
A series of public lectures that show that keen detective work is still essential for 21st century doctors.
http://www.ed.ac.uk/news/events/medical-detectives/about/lectures
Medical Detectives by karin B.Michels
My Topic:
City's controlling disease is important in Medical Detective Systems
What I hope to learn from this source
I want to find these facts to support my topic. Also, new information could be examples to explaining my topic and by using this example, I want to tell the importance of city's role in Medical Detective.
Notes:
- The use of medical detective. Conan Doyle drew inspiration for his character Sherlock Holmes when he was a medical student at Edinburgh.
- He based Holmes on the Professor of Medicine Joseph Bell, who was known for his meticulous attention to detail.
- Today’s medical sleuths, just like Holmes, must use powers of observation and deduction not only to make the right diagnosis but also to find new treatments.
- In London, there was serious problems of disease called a cholera outbreak. First Epidemiologist
- ee
Final Thoughts:
Many of these facts are useful information about Medical Detective. However, in order to tell what I really want to tell, I need information about Epidemiologist. So, next I will find Epidemiologist's work, emergence and how city can help them in Medical Detectives by karin B.Michels.
Articulation
1) My argument
Korean City should control disease to manage the Medical Detective Systems .Now days, most of city have really big size of populations. However, most of them are fragile to disease. This can lead new advanced bacteria or germs, and new bacteria or germs can confuse human being.
Most of countries such as United Kingdom or France have controlled this problem. Controlling this is called Medical Detective Systems. After this system was controlled by government or nations, This System had the most effective power to manage the disease. So I want to reveal that City's role of Medical Detective is important for human being and to argue that Korean cities should control this system.
My first research question was this; What is the Medical Detective?
2) How I found my argument
My first research question was this; What is the Medical Detective? This question is base of my argument and it also can be clue to start my argument. As I continued researching, there are many usages of the Medical Detective. For example, it is used as a way of detecting criminal by searching medical clue. However I want to use this wold as detecting epidemic in cities. Therefore I need to define the wold, Medical Detective. We are now trying to approach god's area, a medical science. The ultimate purpose of this is making people health. However, we are now very vulnerable to epidemic so I wonder how it can be prevented. I found city's role as the Medical Detective. Now, I want to reveal Korean city's important role of controlling disease.
3) New research questions
I have several questions that need to be resolved.
a) What are the examples of Medical Detective other than Korea.
b) What is the limit of ability of the city's government
I'll continue browsing the internet and read books to find examples.
4) Connections to the Harvard Sampler
This argument has many connections to the Harvard Sampler. It obviously is directly related to the medical detective. In my persuade writing, there will be many examples that are included in Harvard Sam in my writing Second, controlling disease is related to evolution because animals also have controlled disease themselves.
Korean City should control disease to manage the Medical Detective Systems .Now days, most of city have really big size of populations. However, most of them are fragile to disease. This can lead new advanced bacteria or germs, and new bacteria or germs can confuse human being.
Most of countries such as United Kingdom or France have controlled this problem. Controlling this is called Medical Detective Systems. After this system was controlled by government or nations, This System had the most effective power to manage the disease. So I want to reveal that City's role of Medical Detective is important for human being and to argue that Korean cities should control this system.
My first research question was this; What is the Medical Detective?
2) How I found my argument
My first research question was this; What is the Medical Detective? This question is base of my argument and it also can be clue to start my argument. As I continued researching, there are many usages of the Medical Detective. For example, it is used as a way of detecting criminal by searching medical clue. However I want to use this wold as detecting epidemic in cities. Therefore I need to define the wold, Medical Detective. We are now trying to approach god's area, a medical science. The ultimate purpose of this is making people health. However, we are now very vulnerable to epidemic so I wonder how it can be prevented. I found city's role as the Medical Detective. Now, I want to reveal Korean city's important role of controlling disease.
3) New research questions
I have several questions that need to be resolved.
a) What are the examples of Medical Detective other than Korea.
b) What is the limit of ability of the city's government
I'll continue browsing the internet and read books to find examples.
4) Connections to the Harvard Sampler
This argument has many connections to the Harvard Sampler. It obviously is directly related to the medical detective. In my persuade writing, there will be many examples that are included in Harvard Sam in my writing Second, controlling disease is related to evolution because animals also have controlled disease themselves.
2014년 8월 21일 목요일
Brain storming
1. What is the Medical Detectives?
2. How can we make well organized Detective system?
3. Why the Medical Detectives are important?
4. How can the city make great policy for medical detectives?
5. Where can I find examples about the medical detectives?
피드 구독하기:
덧글 (Atom)